Great Holiday Eating Tips

[Doreen]

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!!

[Ron]

Rules i live by on a daily basis!!

[Annie]

Hahahha thanks, this is really fun! My mother will love it! Hahaha

[Erin251]

haha i love it.

[Spyglass Sally]

Very funny! A couple of additions though:

11. Stock up on aspirin, pepto bismol and gas eze. You won't feel like going out when you need them.

12. Add "fat pants" to your Christmas list - you'll get them just in time.

[Ruby Red]

Originally Posted by Doreen

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

I LOVE carrot sticks and rum balls too but what's wrong with carrot sticks? I don't get that..............they are great for dipping in dips...

The rest of them are very funny though Doreen...

Originally Posted by Spyglass Sally

Very funny! A couple of additions though:

12. Add "fat pants" to your Christmas list - you'll get them just in time.

Fat pants

[Doreen]

Originally Posted by Ruby Red

I LOVE carrot sticks and rum balls too but what's wrong with carrot sticks? I don't get that..............they are great for dipping in dips...

I didn't write this... just copied it from someone that passed it on to me, LOL.... I am not a fan of raw carrots myself. I do like celery sticks though, for dipping.

[Doreen]

Originally Posted by Spyglass Sally

Very funny! A couple of additions though:

11. Stock up on aspirin, pepto bismol and gas eze. You won't feel like going out when you need them.

12. Add "fat pants" to your Christmas list - you'll get them just in time.

So true!

Nothing like a good pair of elastic waist sweatpants for the day after, LOL.

[AussieGirl]

Ha ha I love it. Carrot sicks are probably considered too healthy to be considered acceptable lol, I love raw carrot and celary sticks in dips, baby corn too. I went to the Hunter Valley last weekend and bought up on a variety of beautiful locally produced cheese (triple cream Brie and Havarti are the best) and olives for Christmas hmmmm yum. DH also stocked up on his fav Port (we still have alot of wine from our last visit) Now where are my fat pants!

[Doreen]

Originally Posted by AussieGirl

Ha ha I love it. Carrot sicks are probably considered too healthy to be considered acceptable lol, I love raw carrot and celary sticks in dips, baby corn too. I went to the Hunter Valley last weekend and bought up on a variety of beautiful locally produced cheese (triple cream Brie and Havarti are the best) and olives for Christmas hmmmm yum. DH also stocked up on his fav Port (we still have alot of wine from our last visit) Now where are my fat pants!

Very nice! I love Havarti cheese!!!!